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Dealing with loss and grief is always easier when you are not alone. Our grief support resources are here for you during your time of loss.

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Recent Grief Support Articles
 

Common Questions Dealing With Grief

September 4th, 2011

A good friend of mine has lost a loved one, should I call or visit right away?

  • Yes. Calling to ask what help is needed is a great way to show sympathy to your friend. Necessary help isn’t always available when it is needed. Visits to the home are usually welcomed if you are close to the bereaved. Call first to inform them of your visit.

Dealing With GriefIs there anything I can say to ‘Make it better’?

  • Grief is a very painful and emotionally draining experience. Words cannot make it better. It is best to help the grieving with support, love and sympathy.

I wasn’t able to go to the funeral or respond right away, is it too late to offer my condolences?

  • It is never too late to share your sympathy. Often, the time after the funeral service is filled with family and friends offering sympathy and love, but as time goes on, the help dwindles. It is never to late to show that you care.

When will my friend get over the grief and go back to her old self?

  • Grief doesn’t have a time line. It is a process that can last years, with ups and downs. It is normal for the grieved to go through stages of fear, shock, pain, anger, guilt, denial, loneliness acceptance and finally recovery. But it takes time and patience. As a friend, the most important thing you can do is be there for them, through their ups and downs.

I feel uncomfortable around my grieving friend. I am trying not to avoid her, but sometimes I feel it’s best. What should I do?

  • Avoiding your friend only adds to their pain. And, can make them feel even worse. Don’t pity your friend, treat them like you normally do. If you can’t find the right words, be open about it and tell them honestly. Sharing a coffee break or a lunch will be a good way to sit and talk about everything.  Once everything is out in the open, your feelings will be easier to express.

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Grieving Children: Questions about Death

August 23rd, 2011

Do children forget quickly and grieve for only a short period?

Children Coping With Grief Although children have shorter attention spans and seem to forget or ignore tragedy and pain, they can actually grieve longer than adults do. The steps of the grieving process  are taken in short spurts because of their attention spans, but they too, have to go through the same steps of grief as an adult. From accepting and comprehending death to recovering and moving on.

Should we include our children at the funeral?

When it comes to children, honesty is key. Children have large imaginations which can make things worse if they are not told what is going on. Children should be encouraged but never forced to take part as a family during the funeral or wake. This is a time for families to come together, share, comfort and mourn together. Your child shouldn’t be left out.

Our children seem distraught and unusually saddened since the loss of a family member, is this normal?

Children, much like adults can lose control of their emotions. Acute anger and guilt can build up as they might feel abandoned or deserted. They might feel as if the death was their fault. Professional help might be needed if there are prolonged periods of abnormal behavior. Accepting loss takes time, and the process of grief can take years to overcome. But, watching for signs of depression in children is very important, since it is harder for them to express their emotions.

Danger signs in grieving children:

  • Depression: Your child shows a loss of interest in daily activities, bonds between siblings shatter or their school grades drop dramatically.
  • Regression: Your child is acting younger and declining in behavior for an extended amount of time.
  • Isolation: Your child might be withdrawing from social activities and school beyond the first few weeks of grief.
  • Fear: They have problems sleeping, eating or develop a great fear of being alone.
  • Wishing for death: Your child might repeatedly wish to join the dead person or have a preoccupation with the deceased.
  • Extreme Anger: Their behavior becomes belligerent and uncharacteristic.
  • Violence: They show acts of violence against piers, adults or themselves.

Any and all of these symptoms are common and expected when children have to face the loss of a loved one – however, the severity and the length of time that it takes is what you have to look out for. Watch for prolonged periods of time that you child is not acting like themselves.

Offer support and encourage communication using verbal expressions of emotions. Talk with child and ask questions about their feelings. Children have a  hard time communicating especially when it has to do with death. The unknown is scary. You want to answer their questions in the most age appropriate way. Being honest, calm and real. If you cry, it’s ok. Teaching children that tears and sorrow are normal helps them to feel comfortable expressing their grief.

Ask for help

When in doubt, ask for help. Contact a family counselor, your church, or school counselor for help. It is hard to help someone deal with grief, if you too are going through the grief process. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it is encouraged and respected. Be a good role model for your child and accept that grief is a process that takes time and effort to get through.

 

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Hold On To Your Memories: Memorializing Your Loved One

August 14th, 2011

Grief can sometimes feel like waves that come and go, rushing you with emotions. The heartache can leave us numb – but memorializing our loved ones can help us get through it. Honoring the life and joy that your loved one brought to you is a great way to start moving forward in your own life.

Everyone copes with grief differently. Grief is something that doesn’t just go away, it takes time, effort and acceptance. Finding a new hobby, or creating a memorial for your loved one can help exponentially during this emotional time. Hold on to memories by memorializing their life.

Ways to create a memorial

Memorial scrap quilt

Create a scrap quilt by turning your loved ones old clothing into a quilt. You can use any fabric or pattern to create a nostalgic quilt that will keep you warm with memories.

Write a song

Music has a calming effect on people. It is a way to express your emotions without having to say a word.
If you play an instrument or enjoy singing – create a song honoring your loved one and it record it on tape, CD or to your computer. It will be something you can hold close for years.

Plant a memorial garden

Planting a garden in honor of your loved one is a great way to memorialize their lives. Include their favorite flower, or their birth-month flower. Once you have created a memorial garden, it will be a place for you to visit and think of your loved one.

Create a scrapbook

Putting together a scrapbook might be difficult at first, but once the initial emotions have set in, you can create a book that will honor your loved one. Including pictures, favorite readings and poems, stories and fond memories.

Memorial Jewelry

Memorial jewelry, also known as mourning jewelry has been around since Victorian times. Mourners would wear jewelry containing ashes, strands of hair or soil from the graveside, over their heart bringing them peace of mind and comfort. It is a way to memorialize and honor your loved one while keeping them close to you always. You can also have diamonds made from your loved one’s carbon signature.

Personalizing their headstone

A personalized headstone is something that will be there for centuries, giving great honor to your loved and a special place for family and friends to visit.

Donate to a favorite charity

If your loved one was passionate about a certain cause or charity, you can make a donation in their honor. You might also consider creating your own charity in honor of your loved one.

Create a scholarship

Creating  a scholarship in your loved ones name is a great way to keep their memory alive. Others will benefit from your generosity and your loved ones name will live on.

Create a memory book

  • Start a book with your loved one’s picture, name and any special information about them. Write your favorite memories about their life and the time you shared. After you finish, put your book into a shipping box.
  • Write out a list of close friends and family members with their addresses. Include your name and address at the end of the list.
  • Include a pre-paid credit card for postage.
  • Include a note to your friends and family. Ask them to write their favorite memories of your loved one and any pictures they would like to share. Ask them to then send it on to the next person on the list.
  • Send it to the first person on the list.
  • Once you get your memory book you will have pages full of uplifting stories and joyful memories to hold close and honor your loved one.

Whatever way you choose to memorialize your loved one’s life will be special and be cherished forever. You can’t go wrong when speaking from your heart.

Special thank you to boobook48 and Rickydaivd for the beautiful pictures via Flickr

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Cremation Diamonds and Memorial Jewelry

August 8th, 2011

Memorial jewelry has become an increasingly popular way to memorialize and remember loved ones who have passed away. For those who are in mourning, it is a wonderful way to begin the healing process. It helps to know that a small piece of your loved one will always be close, both in spirit and physical form.

Memorial jewelry, also known as mourning jewelry has been around since Victorian times. Mourners would wear jewelry containing ashes, strands of hair or soil from the graveside, over their heart bringing them peace of mind and comfort. It is a way to memorialize and honor your loved one while keeping them close to you always.

Create everlasting memories with Cremation Diamonds

Cremation diamonds take this unique memorial to the next level — a diamond is actually created with your loved one’s carbon signature.

  • Cremation diamonds are made with the cremains (ashes) of your loved one.
  • In the case of burial rather than cremation, diamonds can still be made from a lock of hair instead.
  • Cremation diamonds come in an array of different sizes, cuts, settings and brilliant colors.
  • They can be set just like regular gems: in rings, pendants, necklaces, earrings, and keepsakes.
  • If cremains are used: It takes 250g of cremated remains to create a brilliant cremation diamond.
  • Several dozen cremation diamonds can be made from the remains of a single person. Loving family members are able to share the special memorial, a treasure that will always be cherished.
  • Cremation diamonds are also popular for those who have lost a beloved pet, and want a way to remember and cherish the memories they shared.
  • The cost of a cremation diamond varies depending on the size, its average range is anywhere from $1,900 to $20,000.

Creating a Cremation Diamond

Cremation diamonds are laboratory-grown, synthetic diamonds. Although created by man, they are chemically identical to a natural diamond, and can take anywhere from 6-9 months to create.

The process of creating a Cremation diamond is long and tedious, but well worth it for the everlasting effect it holds.

  1. The first step is to separate the carbon molecules from the ashes.
  2. Then the carbon is turned into graphite. (This stage takes a few weeks of time)
  3. Next, a starter crystal is inserted into the center of the graphite.
  4. Then it is placed into a diamond press where heat is gradually increased to 2,500°.  800,00 pounds of pressure per square inch is slowly applied over a few weeks of time.
  5. A rough crystal (diamond) has been created.
  6. The last step is to create the shape and facets with special tools.

Each cremation diamond is unique and special. Holding deep sentiment and love inside of each sparkling facet. You will be reminded of your loved one and the inspiration they gave you every time you see the sparkle of your one-of-a-kind cremation diamond. A deeply cherished memorial that will live on in honor of your loved one.

 

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The Thin Line Between Grief and Depression

July 18th, 2011

Grief and Depression go hand in hand when it comes to losing a loved one. Losing a loved one affects not only our mind, but our body as well. Our mind and body work together and react to the loss as a threat. Grief is just the minds way of coping with the threat.

Thin Line Between Grief & Depression People who are grieving often become withdrawn from the world and although grief is a natural and healthy reaction, it can be become very serious and even threatening to your physical health. It can be hard to tell the difference between the depression that comes along with grief and clinic depression, but the more you know about the signs and symptoms, the easier it will be for you to understand and take action when needed.

Speaking to someone who is grieving can be emotional, and often times things can feel awkward. It is very important to be honest and supportive to someone in grief; to offer a listening ear and a helping hand. Acting natural and calm while letting them know how much you care for them, will help ease the pain. Encouraging them to talk about and express their emotions and feelings will help heal the wounds of grief.

A few things to be avoided when talking with someone in grief

  • Don’t avoid them
  • Don’t pry. If they don’t want to talk, don’t force it.
  • Don’t ask for details about the person’s death.
  • Don’t offer advise with quick solutions.
  • Don’t try to cheer up or distract them.
  • Don’t minimize their loss. (Example: “You will move on”, “He is in a better place.”, “You can always re-marry”. Even though these things might be true, it is not something the grieving person wants to hear.)

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Dealing With the Violent Death of Someone You Love

July 12th, 2011

Losing someone in a sudden death is both frightening and unsettling.  Deep emotional stress and confusion surrounds the first few hours and days after a loss. Knowing what to do and being prepared can benefit you immensely during this troubled time.

First Things First

  • Notify Police
  • Officers may leave written information with details about the prosecutor, medical examiner, place of hospital for the deceased and a victims advocate.
  • A family member might be asked to identify the body of the deceased
  • Personal belongings of your loved one might be used as evidence for later in the prosecution. If you wish to claim any of the items, tell the officer leading the case.
  • A forensic autopsy might be required to gather evidence
  • After the identification and autopsy, the medical examiner will arrange transportation of the body to the funeral home the family has selected.

Incident Information Report includes the following:

  • Case number
  • Date and Time of incident
  • Name of officer investigating the incident along with the officer’s contact information
  • Name of the officer who will be contacting the family of the victim
  • Name of the coroner and their contact information
  • Location of the Deceased and contact information for the

If you feel the urge to ask, to get more information, or be more involved during the process of the investigation, don’t hesitate to ask. You are not alone, and you shouldn’t scared to ask the officers or departments of those who are working with your case.

In the mean time, you will need to contact a funeral home to make the arrangements for the service. A funeral director will work with the family to coordinate the service with the needs of the family. They will likely ask for the specifics from an autopsy, if one is performed, and whether or not an open or closed casket will be proper.
The funeral director will also be able to answer any questions you have about transportation of the body to and from the funeral home.

When someone dies as the result of a crime, the police as well as a coroner might be involved.  When the death turns into a criminal investigation, the proceedings for this can take some time. Working with your local law enforcement will help to keep you involved and informed during the investigation.

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Planting a Memorial Garden

June 26th, 2011

The purpose of a Memorial Garden is to keep memories of a loved on close by. It’s a tribute in honor and remembrance of someone you have lost.Creating a Memorial Garden

Setting aside a place in your back yard dedicated to your loved one’s memory, gives you a place that is relaxing, serene, and calming. A place to speak to your loved one in the privacy and comfort of your own home. A memorial garden is also a wonderful healing tool for children who are grieving the loss of a parent or sibling. Letting the child help create the memorial, including objects or flowers that are important to them can help ease the pain.

Starting Your Memorial Garden

Create a rock garden by outlining a quiet, secluded area of your yard with stones. Stones you can find in nature or buy from a nursery. Plant flowers or a small tree in the center. Adding decorative, solar lights to your memorial garden will keep the memory of your loved one shinning bright.

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Coping with Grief

June 20th, 2011

Losing a loved one can be one of the most difficult experiences in our lives. The loss of a loved one can throw you into a place of uncertainty. Allowing the time to grieve, reminisce, reflect and accept will help heal your emotional state. We heal by taking time to focus on the loss, and how it will affect us.

Grief differs from one person to another, and is a normal response to loss. The journey from initial shock and disbelief, to acceptance and emotional stability takes time. The amount of time it actually takes depends on the person. The grieving period can last from several weeks, to months and possibly years.

What is Grief?

Grief, in its simplest terms, is a reaction to loss. It affects us spiritually, behaviorally, physically and cognitively. Our response is affected by our culture, religion, gender and circumstances surrounding the loss. Bereavement is the way we process grief.

When coping with grief you might feel:

  • Strong emotions, such as sadness, anger, helplessness and loneliness.
  • Funeral Director and Grieving CoupleNumbness, or a sense that the situation isn’t real.
  • Physical reactions, such as insomnia or waves of nausea.
  • Spiritual reactions to a death. Some people find themselves questioning their beliefs and feeling disappointed in religion, while others find that they feel more strongly than ever about their faith.
  • Separation from family members and friends.
  • A loss of interest in hobbies and melancholy.
  • Memory loss, shortened attention span or difficulty communicating with others.
  • Guilt.

Other physical symptoms related to grief are:

  • Weight loss or weight gain
  • Fatigue
  • Headaches, chest pain or high heart rate
  • Digestive problems
  • Hair loss
  • Night sweats

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What To Do With a Facebook Account When Someone Dies

June 19th, 2011

FacebookThis is generally not one of the first things that someone in mourning will think of. In many cases the family and and friends do not want their loved one’s profile on Facebook floating around in cyberspace. In this article we will walk you through the process of deleting, memorializing, or deactivating their profile.

Memorializing Your Loved One On Facebook

If you wish to memorialize the account you will be required to fill out a form that has information with their name, date of birth, email address associated with the account, and proof of death. Proof of death can be an obituary or newspaper article. (Find the form here.)

Memorializing the account removes some of the more sensitive information like status updates and restricts access to the confirmed “friends” only.

Deleting Your Loved Ones Facebook

If  the family decides it would be best to delete the Facebook account completely this can be done by simply removing the account so that no one can view it. (If account is removed – Facebook will not restore the account or provide any information about it unless required to do so by law)

If you have any other questions or concerns regarding Facebook accounts, refer to the “Help” section of Facebook.

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How to Write a Sympathy Letter

June 17th, 2011

Writing a letter of condolence shows the recipient that you have put time and thought into expressing emotions that are not always as easily expressed through a commercial sympathy card. Sympathy letters are better written in hand, than typed. Write as if you were speaking directly to the recipient, keeping it from being too formal.

What should a sympathy letter contain?

How you heard of the loss - Be personal and acknowledge the name of the deceased, share how you learned of the death, and how it made you feel.

Special traits of the person - Write about the positive characteristics that made that person special. How they affected the people they knew, what they did in the community, and what made them shine.

Express your sympathy - Share and express your sadness, and sympathy.

Recall a memory - Tell a brief story that features the deceased. How they touched your life. Something uplifting or even humorous, to celebrate their life.

Offer words of courage - Mentioning the bereaved strength and offering emotional support.

Offer to help - Volunteer to help with whatever needs they have, whether it be grocery shopping, cleaning house or watching the kids.

A heartfelt closing - Sign with a loving phrase.

“You are in my thoughts and prayers”
“May God comfort you now and the days ahead.”
“With Deepest Sympathy”
“Our love is always with you”

Sympathy Letter Example

Below is an example of a sympathy letter using the steps above.
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