Military Funeral Honors and Customs

August 18th, 2011

United States Veterans are given honorable, military funerals to commemorate the time they spent while serving our country. Family and friends are comforted in the traditions and respectful services created in honor of their loved one. Serving our country in the military is incredibly honorable. So, with respect to the fallen soldiers who have made this sacrifice, we salute them with tradition, respect and honor in the way of Military Honors.

Military funerals can take place at private cemeteries and national cemeteries dedicated to fallen soldiers across the country. There are 128 national cemeteries and 33 soldier’s lots through out our nation alone. Religious traditions are often tied into the service to honor both the deceased’s religion and military duty.

Draping the Casket with the National Flag

The tradition of draping the American Flag over the casket of a fallen soldier began during the Napoleonic War between 1796 and 1815. The deceased were carried off the battlefield covered in flags to honor their sacrifice. This practice continues to this day, but instead of several small flags, a large American Flag is draped over the top of the casket.

A United States flag is provided, at no cost, to drape the casket or accompany the urn of a deceased Veteran who served honorably in the U. S. Armed Forces.

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Placing Pebbles on Gravestones: A Jewish Tradition Explained

August 5th, 2011

Example of Jewish Headstones with PebblesIt is unlikely that you will see flower arrangements laid upon headstones in traditional Jewish cemeteries. Instead, you might notice heaps or mounds of pebbles atop of the grave sites. Large and small in no particular pattern or shape. This is an age-old Jewish tradition that takes roots from Biblical stories. It’s hard to tell exactly where the tradition originated, however, it is thought to go back to ancient times.

Evidence in Scripture

  • In the book of Exodus Moses spent 40 years traveling from Egypt to Israel. Instead of burying their dead, they would cover the body with a sheet and then cover with rocks and pebbles to hold the sheet down.
  • In the book of Exodus God manifested the 10 Commandments on a stone tablet in the presence of Moses.
  • In the book of Exodus Moses is told by God to strike the rock at Horeb to bring forth water from the rock; this was done in front of the elders of Israel in God’s name.
  • In the book of Genesis Abraham was told to build an altar (a mound of rocks) to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, as a test from God.

Adorning gravestones with pebbles

In Judaism it is customary for Stones of Remembrance to be placed on gravestones by family and friends visiting the departed.

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Flower Customs for Asian Funerals

July 30th, 2011

White OrchidsSending flowers to a funeral or to a family in grief is always appropriate and appreciated. Different religions and cultures have their own traditions passed down from generation to generation; it is important to respect and honor these traditions when sending flowers for a funeral. You want to make sure that the flowers you send convey the right message.

Significance of Flowers for Asian Funerals

In Asian culture, the color and type of flower is very significant. Each flower and color symbolizes something special.

White, light yellow, light pink and other pale colors are the most commonly used colors for an Asian funeral. These flowers give hope to those who grieve.

In Asian cultures, white is the color that represents death and is very appropriate for funerals.

REMEMBER: Red is strictly forbidden for funerals. It is the color of happiness and celebration, making a mockery of those who are grieving.

The most commonly used flowers for an Asian funeral are: Continue reading “Flower Customs for Asian Funerals” »

Catholic Views on Cremation

July 22nd, 2011

Burying the dead goes back to the early Christian times. The early Catholic Church openly forbid cremation for centuries because of the belief that the body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Cremation was seen as a pagan practice that denied the doctrine and faith in resurrection. Early Catholicism viewed burial as a symbol of  hope for resurrection, as well as a continuance of early Christian traditions.

Only in the last 50 years has Catholicism accepted cremation as a means of final disposition. In 1963 the Vatican lifted the ban on cremation for Catholics. Cremation then became a practice allowed under certain  circumstances, providing that the reasons did not counter Christian beliefs.

The Church once used very strict rules for funeral services and sacraments in the event of cremation. The Church did not allow cremated remains (also known as cremains) to be present in the church during the celebration of mass or any prayer vigil. The body had to be present for all services before cremation.

The Order of Catholic Funerals was three separate, and ideally, sequential rites to celebrate the end of one’s life in the flesh, and the beginning of a new one in spirit:

  • Prayer Vigil – a short prayer service that takes place during the time immediately following death.
  • Mass – a celebration in the funeral liturgy.
  • Rite of Committal – another short prayer service held at the cemetery or place of internment.

The ideal sequence of the three is: the vigil, funeral mass and then the rite of committal.

In 1997, the Vatican granted permission for cremated remains to be present for mass and  rite of committal, making Catholic cremation more openly available to families in need. The Church still recommends traditional burial. However, Catholic cremation has quickly gained popularity, and is seemingly necessary for many Catholic families. The reasons for cremation differ, but cost is by far the most common.

Keeping with The Church’s traditions of the sacredness of human life, there are still strict rules on the sanctity of human ashes:

  • The cremated human remains (cremains) shouldn’t be scattered, divided among family or kept at a home.
  • Cremains should be treated with respect, and laid to rest in a cemetery, either in a grave or mausoleum.

According to the Cremation Association of North America cremation rates in the United States have risen from 5% (from nearly 20 years ago) to 39-45% as of 2008. It is estimated that Catholic cremation has risen to approximately 15-20% in the last ten years.

Special Thank you to Shehan365 For the beautiful picture via Flickr.

Hispanic Funeral Traditions

July 20th, 2011

The funeral traditions of the Spanish-speaking cultures are similar, but have many differences and variations from each other. For the purpose of this article, we are generalizing the similarities of customs rooted in Hispanic cultures to give you a brief description of what to expect at a Hispanic Funeral.

Hispanic Funeral Traditions Are Primarily Catholic

Because of the how deeply-rooted Catholicism is in Hispanic heritages, even non-Catholics include Catholic traditions in their funerals.

The Hispanic culture accepts death as part of life. It is the end of the life in the flesh, and a beginning of the life in spirit. Catholic Hispanics celebrate one’s death, because the soul is going “home” once the body has died. The funeral process doesn’t begin after death, but before one passes.

  • Whenever the situation allows, the funeral process begins on the death-bed. A priest will give the dying person their Last Rites, which consist of confession (if possible), communion and pastoral blessing.
  • A family member will stay with the body of the deceased until the preparations begin for the funeral services.
  • A traditional Hispanic Funeral will consist of 3-4 days of services and vigils to honor and pray for the departed soul.
  • A Catholic Priest will lead the services for the funeral. Starting with the wake.

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Traditional Asian Funeral Etiquette

July 16th, 2011

Asian Funeral with Alter

Funeral customs vary greatly in the Asian culture.  The following article refers mostly to traditional Chinese funeral customs.  

If you are attending an Asian Funeral, there are a few rules of etiquette that are very important to follow. The burial process of someone who has passed is taken very seriously in Chinese society. Asian culture teaches that someone who is buried without the proper funeral customs will bring bad luck and disaster to the family. Cremation among traditional Asians is very rare.

Asian culture uses beauty and respect throughout their funeral services. Every detail is covered and has special meaning behind it. The traditions they use have been passed from generation to generation to make the end-of-life transition more beautiful.

What To Expect When Attending An Asian Funeral

The funeral process and rites are based on how traditional the family is, as well as age, social status, and marital status.

Tradition teaches that an elder is not to show respect to someone who is younger. So, if the funeral is for a younger person, their body cannot be brought home (as is custom for an older person). This also goes for an infant or child. The services will be held at the funeral parlor, in a way similar to western funerals.  Since no respect can be shown, there are no vigils, prayers or offerings made, the service and burial will be made in silence.

Wake or Viewing at An Asian Funeral

Traditional Asian funerals will be held at the home of the deceased. If the death occurred inside the home, the casket and service will be held inside. If the death occurred outside of the home, the casket and service will be in a courtyard near the home. Wreaths, flowers and a picture of the deceased will sit on top of the coffin.

Traditional funerals last for 49 days, with the first 7 being the most important. However, if the family doesn’t have the financial means, the funeral will last 3-5 days with the first day being the most significant.
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What To Expect At A Funeral

July 10th, 2011

Funerals are always a difficult and emotional occasion. Many people get nervous or anxious when attending a funeral. There are some basic principles when it comes to one’s behavior and etiquette throughout the funeral process.

Condolence Visits

If you are a close friend or family member of the deceased, it is proper to pay a visit to the home of the family members before the funeral, to offer your help and share fond memories.

Before a Wake

A wake is a time when family and close friends come together before a funeral to spend time in remembrance of the deceased. Many people will offer to bring food, watch children, clean house or help with any of the planning.

Expressing Your Sympathy

Sending flowers to the church, funeral home or the family’s home is a well-known way of expressing your sympathy. When words can’t say it, flowers will show it.

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What to Wear to a Funeral

June 28th, 2011

Many people feel anxious about attending a funeral: knowing what to wear, what to say and how to respectfully express sympathy to the grieving. You want to feel comfortable and relaxed when attending a funeral, not anxious about your clothing. Here are some basic guidelines for what to wear:

Funeral attire is traditionally all black, but dark or muted colors are also acceptable. Business attire, such as a dress or suit is sufficient for most funerals.

Women’s Attire at a Funeral

  • Most women wear a dress or skirt to a funeral, although dress slacks are usually suitable. Shoulders should be covered, especially if the service is in a place of worship. Think practical when planning your wardrobe for a funeral. Consider the weather, the place and the type of funeral. Wear comfortable shoes and jacket if needed.
  • The colors need to be professional and conservative. Black, grey, navy or neutral are safe. You don’t want to draw attention to yourself.

Men’s Attire at a Funeral

  • Men generally wear suits when attending a funeral. Black is best, however, grey and navy are also acceptable with a white shirt and tie.

Children’s Attire at a Funeral

The rules aren’t so rigid when it comes to children.

  • Little boys should wear dark colors, preferably a suit. Try to avoid jeans, tennis shoes or casual attire.
  • Little Girls can wear dresses or skirts in dark or neutral colors.

How to Create a Meaningful Eulogy

June 22nd, 2011

What is a Eulogy?

A eulogy is a heartfelt, good-bye tribute to honor and celebrate the life of the deceased. This tribute addresses not only to the person who has died, but to the friends and family that have gathered at the service.

Man Giving A Eulogy At A Military FuneralA Eulogy Includes:

  • An introduction to the person’s life
  • Details, such as family, friends, interests, passions, likes and dislikes
  • Significant memories and achievements of the deceased
  • Scriptures, poetry and favorite stories written or enjoyed by the deceased are commonly read

It does not have to be perfect, the most touching and meaningful eulogies come from the heart. Eulogies are not a biography, rather a loving and heartfelt speech that expresses the feelings and experiences shared between the person giving it and the deceased. Remember, whatever you write and deliver in the eulogy will be appreciated by the people in attendance.

How To Write A Eulogy

1.) Recall memories: Think about the relationship you shared, where you met, what you did together, humorous or touching memories and what you will miss the most.

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How to Write a Sympathy Letter

June 17th, 2011

Writing a letter of condolence shows the recipient that you have put time and thought into expressing emotions that are not always as easily expressed through a commercial sympathy card. Sympathy letters are better written in hand than typed. Write as if you were speaking directly to the recipient, keeping it from being too formal.

What should a sympathy letter contain?

How you heard of the loss Be personal and acknowledge the name of the deceased, share how you learned of the death, and how it made you feel.

Special traits of the person Write about the positive characteristics that made that person special. How they affected the people they knew, what they did in the community, and what made them shine.

Express your sympathy Share and express your sadness, and sympathy.

Recall a memory Tell a brief story that features the deceased. How they touched your life. Something uplifting or even humorous, to celebrate their life.

Offer words of courage Mentioning the bereaved strength and offering emotional support.

Offer to help Volunteer to help with whatever needs they have, whether it be grocery shopping, cleaning house or watching the kids.

A heartfelt closing Sign with a loving phrase.

“You are in my thoughts and prayers”
“May God comfort you now and the days ahead.”
“With Deepest Sympathy”
“Our love is always with you”

Sympathy Letter Example

Below is an example of a sympathy letter using the steps above.
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