The End of Life

Life does not naturally careen forward only to stop abruptly. The reality is more akin to a car running out of gas. It’s running along just fine, engine purring, and then you begin to notice a few hiccups. The engine is still running, but it’s not doing everything it normally does. Something is missing, the engine struggles, causing the entire frame to jerk violently as it pulls and stops, pulls and stops. Eventually it quits, but even though the driving force propelling the car forward has stopped its thrust, the car hasn’t stopped forward momentum. It’s still moving. Steadily decelerating, yes, but moving until, finally, it coasts to a slow and laborious stop.

For most of us, on the day we die, our bodies will not be functioning as they did in our twenties. They will have broken down, ceased to function properly and yet still be pushing us forward. But that doesn’t mean we are destined to merely endure the end. It is possible to have happy and fulfilling final years; it just takes a little work.

Making a Good End

Judy MacDonald Johnston recently gave a brief talk outlining the basic steps required for ensuring a good end of life. The video is available for you to view below, and I’ve attached a short outline beneath it:

Judy MacDonald Johnston Prepare for a Good End of Life

Summary

•  Make a Plan – You need to realize that your body is going to break down, possibly your mind as well. It is important that you plan for those events to take place so that when they happen your wishes are not only known but possible.
• Advocates – These are people who will ensure your plan happens and be with you every step of the way. These need to be people that have the time to devote to seeing this through. Relying on your children may not work, so don’t just hold onto an expectation without discussing it thoroughly with them.
•  Hospital Readiness – You need a brightly colored envelope which holds: a one page summary of your medical history, what meds you are currently on, and your physician’s information. It should contain a copy of your insurance card, power of attorney and do not resuscitate as well as any other pertinent legal documentation. This will expedite your admittance.
• Choose Caregivers - Whether a senior care facility or at-home care, you need to make this decision ahead of time. Do not settle. These are the people that will be caring for you in your final days; make sure they are the right people.
• Last Words – Not what you want to say, but what you want to hear. What reassurances do you need about the people or things you’re leaving behind? If you’ve made a plan, all of those important things should be handled, but you may need or want reassurance when your time nears.

If you are looking for more information on this topic, you can visit Judy MacDonald Johnston’s website Good End Of Life here.

Approaching the end of your life can be a beautiful time. It should provide an opportunity to find even more love and happiness, not be a trial you have to struggle through alone. With a little forethought, at the end of your life you can still have a fulfilling life.

Michele – My daughter, died on November 9, 1978 and her cremation took place at Severino Funeral in Rosemont, Il. My in-laws, Russell and Elizabeth Berggren made the arrangements and have since passed away. I am trying to find any information I can on my daughter’s death records, and am wondering if you might have any records regarding her death. Any information you can give me would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

Funeral Expert Reply:

In the state of Illinois (as long as you can prove a relationship to the deceased and need for information), you can petition the Illinois Vital Record Department for a copy of the her death record.

You will need to prove the following:
The decedent’s full name.
* The date of death.
* The city and county where the death occurred, if known.
* The parent(s) name(s).
* Any additional identifying information you may have — such as the funeral home in charge of burial.
* Your relationship to the decedent.
* The reason for requesting the record.
* A copy/photocopy of a non-expired, government issued photo ID.
* I also suggest giving them the date of birth and location of birth.

You can ask for the information in-person, via, phone, fax, or online.  The best place to start your inquiry is in the county clerk’s office in which the death occurred. For example if she died in the same county as the funeral home, you would contact the Cook County Clerk.

If you want to visit them in person you would go to Cook County Bureau of Statistics, 50 W. Washington – Concourse Level -25 Chicago Il. By mail Cook County Bureau of Statisitics PO Box 641070 Chicago, IL 60664 or call them at 312-603-7788.

I hope this information is helpful. Please let me know if I can assist with anything else.

My grandmother was born and raised in fajardo and her parents have been buried together in a plot together I would like to bury her with them. She will be cremated but I don’t know which cemetery and the rules to do her final wishes. Maria

FSN Funeral Expert Reply:

Maria,

The first step would be to find the cemetery. I recommend contacting the mayor’s office in Fajardo. Ask them if they can give you the name and contact information for the cemeteries located in Fajardo.

Here is the contact information for the Fajardo Mayor’s office:

Mayor: Hon. Aníbal Meléndez-Rivera
City Hall, 6 Luis Muñóz Rivera St.,
Corner of Dr. López St.,
Fajardo, Puerto Rico 00738-0865
Phone number: (787) 863-4013
Contact: Mrs. Olga I. Galindo

Once you have located the cemetery, the sexton should be able to tell you if they allow ashes (cremains) to be buried on top of existing graves.

If the cemetery allows for double burial, the funeral home providing the cremation services should be able to help you arrange transportation of the ashes to Puerto Rico. If you are taking the ashes to Puerto Rico yourself, you will need to contact the airlines you will use and find out their requirements. Normally, the airlines will treat the cremains the same way they would a carry-on bag. You will also need to contact the TSA to determine what type of cremation container is acceptable to them. Most funerals homes will be able to guide you through the complete process.

In planting trees and flowers, you’re passing the gift of life back to earth. Unforgettable lush trees benefits everyone for future generations to come through sight and meaning. They also provide a wonderful symbol of the continuation of life for your loved one.

One company that is offering a memorable way to memorialize life is Plant A Memory. With them, they help create a beautiful way of remembrance of your loved one with their plant memorial gifts.

This company offers evergreens, forget-me-nots, daisies, wildflowers, herbal garden mixes or roses to remember your beloved. All come in beautiful packaging that is dedicated to your loved one.

With these seeds and trees, you’ll be able to create a memorial garden with gorgeous flowers and trees that offer a special place to honor your cherished one. Every time you see the garden, you’ll be reminded of all the fond memories that you two shared.

It’s also something that you’ll be able to share with family members and generations to come.

Since Plant A Memory features these lovely seeds and trees in beautiful packaging, they are ideal for funeral keepsakes. Some family members like to save flowers from the funeral as a keepsake, but These lovely seed packets offer a renewable alternative to that practice.

They are even personalized with name, dates and a special message. Choose a dove bookmark with a wildflower mix, a cross memorial keepsake with forget-me-nots or a lovely evergreen that let family members have a beautiful, living keepsake to cherish for years to come.

Share lasting memories by planting flowers and trees that will bloom and grow with time. Visit Plant A Memory for meaningful and special flowers, as well as evergreens to create an everlasting impression for your loved one.

In their 25 years of business, many of their services have grown and changed, including their laser etching. Both remarkably detailed and long-lasting, laser etching on granite is an ideal way to preserve the memory of a loved one. Along with their laser etched monuments, you can even bring in personal photos of your loved one to create a custom image. Both are such wonderful ways to commemorate your beloved.

Another way their services have grown is with the addition of their isotone memorials. This new innovation memorial links cemetery memorials to a website that can be shared with loved ones around the world. QR codes on memorials act as a link from a smart phone to an online memorial. This is a great way to personalize a headstone eternally leaving a legacy behind.

Let a Memory Live On

First off, what is a QR code? Similar to a barcode, yet it contains so much more information. A QR code can be added to any memorial allowing smartphone enabled phones to scan it and then be taken to your loved one’s history, such as an obituary, photos, comments left by family and friends and even a video. Once someone scans the QR code, they will be connected to a personalized website which will then share your family’s history for years to come. Their legacy will live on and it becomes more than just a headstone. Visitors will truly get a feel of who they were as a person. Keep your family’s history alive with an “istone”.

PCS Laser and Memorial  offers beautiful headstones and even some that make for a  truly interactive experience. Giving anyone who visits more of a connection to your loved one as well as helping preserve your family’s history for generations to come.

There are many memorials available that can capture the special nature of your pet. You’ll find headstones, pet memorial stones, urns, tribute boxes, pet memorial jewelry and even online memorials.

Pet Headstones & Urns

There are many different types of headstones and urns for your beloved pet. Many companies provide headstones that feature their name, date of birth and passing date. You can even have it personalized by adding a precious photo, including a tribute or creating a special design. Monument companies will have many suggestions to enhance your ideas.

If you are wanting to have your pet cremated, you’ll also find various urns for the ashes. Again, you’ll find many designs and styles so you can choose the best one that suits your pet’s personality. Choose from wooden photo boxes, marble urns with or without a personalized photo, urns with poems, figurine urns and outdoor urns. These can easily be personalized exactly as you want so your friend is memorialized.

Shadow Boxes

Another alternative is a shadow box. This is a tribute box for your pet where you can place special photos, mementos, paw print impressions’, dog collar or favorite toy. Whatever your pet was fond of, include it in the shadow box. What a comforting way to memorialize your pet in your home. Every time you see the shadow box, you will be reminded of the special times you shared with your beloved dog, cat or animal family member.

Memorial Jewelry

You’ll also be able to memorialize your pet with jewelry. Pendants, bracelets or necklaces are available in different sizes, shapes and designs. Memorial jewelry is a way to keep you cherished pet close to your heart.

Memorial Pet Gardens

If you would like to honor you pet in a unique way that is comforting year round and you can celebrate the life of your pet, consider creating a memorial garden. Create a nice resting place for your beloved pet with a personalized memorial that is surrounded by beautiful flowers and trees. Your cherished pet can rest peacefully in their own lovely living memorial.

There are many ways to honor your beloved pet. It’s never easy to say goodbye, but a well-chosen pet memorial can help you remember your special pet.

FSN Funeral Homes: Why should people clean monuments?

Wrex Lindsay: There are a several reasons why people should clean their monuments. Over time, hard water, bird droppings, mold, dirt and acid rain can damage a monument. Those elements will cause the stone to weaken and begin to chip or stain. Secondly, the monument represents a loved one. By cleaning the monument, family and friends feel that their loved one is being taken care of.

FSN Funeral Homes:  So, there are many benefits on having headstones cleaned?

Wrex Lindsay: Yes. Not only does it make the monument look better, but it protects the stone from cracking, chipping or staining.

FSN Funeral Homes:  Exactly when will they know when it is time to clean their monument? Are there any signs to look for?

Wrex Lindsay - When the monument starts looking dirty and is losing its shine and appeal, then it is time to start the cleaning process. Our company offers a biannual and annual service plan to ensure monuments are protected and are kept looking their best.

FSN Funeral Homes - Is it really necessary to clean a monument that often?

Wrex Lindsay – When a monument has not been regularly cleaned, it is extremely difficult to remove dirt, mold, etc from the surface without the right cleaning techniques. We do recommend every 6 months to keep the stone looking great, however, Renew Monuments services also offers an annual plan. It is a matter of which plan works best for your monument.

Renew Monument Services is a professional headstone service company dedicated to the preservation and care of monuments, memorials, bronze markers, plaques, family cemeteries, and gravesites in Salt Lake City, Utah. Their main priority is headstone cleaning. However, they also re-level headstones, repaint headstones, and can re-seal headstones (basically re-glue the pieces of the monument together).

FSN Funeral Home understands that deciding what type of life insurance you need and why it is important can be somewhat confusing. So, we reached out to Gary DeSha from Gary DeSha Insurance who was able to help with questions concerning life insurance. We hope this interview is informative and answers some questions you may have concerning life insurance.

What You Need To Know About Life Insurance and Funeral Planning

FSN Funeral Homes:  When it comes to funeral planning, why is life insurance so important?

Gary DeSha: All of us will likely have to face the death of a close family member at some time in our lives. Perhaps you already have – and the painful memories are still there. In addition to grieving the loss and settling your loved one’s estate, there is also the immediate concern over funeral costs and how to pay for them. It’s a heavy weight to carry for surviving loved ones. Many of us never think about how our family will pay for our funeral.

The cost may surprise you. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average cost of a funeral in 2006 was $7,323 and that was seven years ago. This cost did not include the cemetery plot, monument, flowers, obituary or other cash expenses, which could push the cost well over $10,000.

Why burden your family with these costs at a time when they already have many other concerns? With whole life insurance, you can help reduce the worry your family will experience when you die. The life insurance policy assures that money will be in place for your family’s needs.

FSN Funeral Homes: So, exactly what are the different types of life insurance that can help cover these costs?

Gary DeSha: There are three types of plans, one that immediately provides a full death benefit and two that provide a limited death benefit in the first two years. Plan type is based on the answers provided on the insurance application. The three plans are as follows:

• PlanRight with a Level Death Benefit – The death benefit equals 100% of the face amount. A maximum face amount of $35,000 is available, depending on your age at the time of application.
• PlanRight with a Graded Death Benefit – The death benefit is limited to 30% of the face amount in the first year, 70% in the second year and 100% beginning with the third year. A maximum face amount of $20,000 is available, depending on your age at time of application.
• PlanRight with a Modified Death Benefit – The death benefit is limited in the first two years to a return of premiums paid, plus 10% of annual interest. In the third year, the benefit equals 100% of the face amount. A maximum face amount of $15,000 is available, depending on your age at the time of application.

The accidental death rider can be added, at an extra cost, on PlanRight certificates with a level death benefit. The rider pays an additional death benefit if an accidental death occurs. For graded and modified plans, 100% of the face amount is paid if accidental death occurs in the first two years. There is no additional premium for this coverage. All PlanRight certificates include a common carrier accidental death rider that pays an additional death benefit (up to twice the face amount) with no additional premium, if the insured dies due to an accidental bodily injury that occurs on a common carrier. However, the insured must be a fare paying passenger.

FSN Funeral Homes: With so many different types of insurance, how does one know which type is right for them to ensure they receive the best coverage?

Gary DeSha: Find a policy with guaranteed premiums. PlanRight premiums are level and guaranteed. Unlike some other expenses in life, PlanRight premiums remain the same for as long as you keep the coverage current. Secondly, make sure your policy’s benefits are guaranteed. With PlanRight, your death benefit is guaranteed as long as premiums are paid. While your coverage is in effect, the policy will never be cancelled because of changes in your health. Thirdly, make sure you can access the cash value. In times of need, PlanRight allows you to borrow or use the cash value of the policy as collateral for a loan. Lastly, there are tax advantages to owning a policy like this. One advantage is your beneficiary will generally not owe any income taxes on the benefit proceeds.

FSN Funeral Homes: Along with there being different types of insurance, people can also determine their coverage. So, how does one even know how much coverage they need that includes funeral arrangements?

Gary DeSha: According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average cost of a funeral in 2006 was $7,323. As stated above, this cost does not include the cemetery plot, monument, flowers, obituary or other cash expenses. What if your loved one dies out of the country or out of state? The costs incurred in transporting the remains back home for the funeral could run several thousand dollars. You don’t want to plan for the worst, but on the flip side, you don’t want to be caught with unexpected expenses either. So check with your local funeral home to get an idea of the current costs associated with a funeral. Once you have an idea of what the funeral would cost, you can then determine what life insurance amount you will need.

FSN Funeral Homes:  Lastly, when do you recommend that life insurance be purchased?

Gary DeSha: You may purchase life insurance at any age. If you’re single, your parents or siblings will not have to deplete their savings to take care of your final expenses. If you’re married, your family depends on you to provide a comfortable, safe lifestyle. You need help to protect that lifestyle. Contact an agent that offers a wide range of products that can meet your insurance needs. Many policies offer more than a death benefit. Some have optional accident or disability income insurance which will provide regular monthly income if you become totally disabled and unable to work as a result of an accident. Other policies offer accumulating cash value that can be used at retirement. Foresters, for example, offers an optional family health benefit to aid with unexpected hospital costs in the event of a natural disaster.

We may not want to think about life without us, but it is inevitable. Funeral planning and life insurance are the best way to provide for your loved ones’ needs after you are gone. You should be able to take the information Mr. DeSha provided and discuss your needs with both your insurance agent and your funeral home.

The key takeaways here are:

1. Life insurance is very important when planning a funeral.
2. Find a policy with guaranteed premiums.
3. Check with your local funeral home on costs of a funeral. Once you have an estimated cost, you’ll have an idea of the amount of life insurance you need.

Gary DeSha is an independent insurance agent in Alexandria, MN. Over the years, Mr. DeSha has helped many families in Minnesota plan for their financial future. Gary DeSha Insurance is located at 2109 Lake Park Place, Alexandria, MN.

Funeral Planning Expert Reply:

Kim,

Types of columberia

Modern columbarium designs are simple and tasteful. Some columbaria disappear into their surroundings, such as a garden wall, while in others have highly customizable niches. They are typically constructed similar to mausoleums and out of the same materials. You will find both indoor and outdoor columbaria at both churches and cemeteries. Indoor columbaria may offer climate controlled niches.

Columbarium niches vary in size, and some allow for two urns to be placed together. Sections of columbaria may be designated for entire families. Depending on the cremains vessel selected, there may be limited space for small memorabilia.

Where are columbaria located?

Columbaria are usually located in a cemetery, but can also be built into churches or are located on church grounds.  A columbarium can take various forms, but in a church building they are usually located in an interior wall. They can also be constructed in the churchyard, garden or a cemetery in various shapes and sizes. In some cases, one area or wing inside of a mausoleum is designated for cremains. Some are permanently sealed niches, where as others the face front panel is unlocked. The name of the deceased is usually inscribed into this panel.

Why buy a columbarium niche?

While some prefer the idea of scattering ashes, others would rather have specific place to visit their deceased loved ones. A columbarium allows family and friends a place to pay their respects to the departed.

When to buy a columbarium niche

Just like buying a cemetery plot or mausoleum space, columbarium niches are purchased in perpetuity. Most niches can be purchased at anytime, as long as space is available.

Columbarium alternatives

In addition to columbaria, many cremation facilities also offer water and garden scattering services. These gardens are sometimes referred to as scatter gardens.

 History of columbaria

The Romans were the first to use columbariums to store cremains in highly decorated urns. These columbaria were underground and also elaborately decorated with mosaics, frescoes and more. The term comes from the Latin columba (dove) and originally referred to the compartmentalized housing for doves and pigeons, called a dovecote.

In ancient Japan, Buddhist temples used a similar way to store ashes called a nokotsudo.

Famous Columbaria

• Golders Green Crematorium – First crematorium in London and houses 3 columbarias containing the remains of thousands of Londoners.
• Père Lachaise Cemetery & Columbaria – the largest cemetery in the city of Paris, France.
• Neptune Society Columbarium – Large, copper-domed columbarium built in 1898  in San Francisco CA.

If no arrangements were made life, choosing whether to use a columbarium or scatter ashes is a completely personal decision for the family of the departed.  Your loved one’s final resting place should be somewhere you can visit and feel at peace. You might even consider planting your own memorial garden.

Photo above via Wikipedia Commons.